there is no morning as the one i wake up next to you...

lost in complete thought... i think of how much i love...

... how you drive with bare feet... (i take my shoes off... )

... how it is you sweetly, gracefully and so muscularly guide my heart, body and soul in motion, position, flow and direction when we're together... i feel so lost in you... how your hand sweeps me up and you closely whisper softly to me... how it works together so completely... it takes me in and i am submissive to your everything... it is beautiful... natural... (i picture your hands... )

... how you kiss away my tears and hold my face in your beautiful hands and look sweetly, adoring, helplessly into my eyes when i am sad... (i start crying... )

... how confident you are with yourself, your body and how comfortable you are alongside me... your handsome body, contours, stance and how much of a man you are... you are so beautiful! (i am lost in a daydream with you... )

... how you look at me when you think i don't notice... (i am so in love with you... )

i miss you... i am so lost without you...

~ j. marshon

who I AM

I will NOT apologize for being exactly who I want to be… who I AM!!!

I am NOT a redneck...

I am NOT fake...

I am NOT submissive...

I am NOT mature and I WILL NEVER grow up...

I am NOT careful...

I am NOT a worrier...

I am NOT your parent...

I am NOT a follower of the crowd...

I am NOT promiscuous...

I am NOT a simple person...

I am NOT a quiet person...

I am NOT going to settle for second best...

I am NOT going to let you abuse me and take it sitting down...

I am NOT going to listen to you gossip and carry on at another’s expense...

I am NOT judgmental; so stop comparing me to others; or i will lash out the inconvenient truth (about you)...

I am NOT interested in nascar or hunting...

I am NOT going to do what you tell me to because you think you are right...

I am NOT going to agree with you when i disagree...

I am NOT going to laugh at your stupid jokes...

I am NOT going to pretend to be someone I am NOT!!!

... and yes, i may be the black sheep in the bunch... but i find that the black sheep is normally the most loving, accepting and considerate...

love wins!
jillY

change of heart

change of heart

I have a pretty long commute into work each day… it begins on the dirt gravel road I live on wayyyy out in the country near long lake… in the very heart of the michigan mitten… it is beautiful, lots of corn fields, bean fields, farmlands… my travels take me along some beautiful small town countryside scenery…

today, I was running a bit late and didn’t have much time to consider the scenery… that was... until a beautiful rottweiler-breedish dog dashed across the road in front of me and went diving into a ditch alongside the corn stalks… he was running strange; with a sort of limp movement… I thought, "oh no, he’s been hit"… I slowed down, placed the car in reverse,backed up, and turned down the dirt road he dashed toward… I called to him… i was going to try and get him in the car and drive him/find his home… he began hobbling down the road and I followed slowly behind… after a mile we came upon a house where he was greeted by two dotsons… surely they knew him! two boys greeted me and told me he belonged to them… I asked about his legs, and they told me he had been in a tractor accident a couple weeks ago and now runs with the limp movement… I felt very sad for him… he was beautiful and sweet… before i left, he came up to my window… gave me a sweet kiss and a nod and bid me farewell… a sort of thank you jester… he was still a young dog, but very large beautiful frame… I was glad he was home… i waved at the boys and went on my way down the dirt road...

"Drama!" I thought to myself… not what I need when I am already running late and need to get into work… and!!! I really needed coffee… ugghhh… I considered avoiding the starbucks ritual this morning due to the dog drama events so early on into the trip…

As I approached the city, I decided that I would just breeze through starbucks afterall… glad I did… I love that little bit of joy I get from that beautiful skinny hazelnut latte… and the nice person at the window… normally a very pleasant experience, quick, and i have my tackling fuel for the day… all is good…

I turn the street… thinking that i need to make up a few more seconds due to the coffee detour… "hurry… hustle people… get going" … I look ahead… police cars come into view... they're blocking the road… "oh brother" I think to myself… "more drama!!!"

Cars merge single file… as I get closer to the commotion my heart begins to sink… the minivan left it’s front end in the back end of the pickup truck it collided into… the entire front of the van was mutilated… the police standing outside the van, driver’s side door open… driver in front seat lying forward; hovered over onto the dash… no life on mars… very sad… I said a prayer, lifting the victim to God’s grace… my heart sinks further… I’ve an epiphany… a change of heart… as I am reminded…

Life is short… we waste so much of our time and days hustling and bustling on our race to/from work… we pass by the dog and let him fend for himself… we pass our neighbors without offering a smile, handshake, or simple hello… we hurry to get there; skipping the beloved latte and greetings of our coffeehouse friends to avoid the “late” stigma… we avoid the detours; with all hopes of avoiding the accidents so we can run into our buildings and sit at our computers… to desks positioned with our backs facing the exterior of our cubicle entrances… no conversation… no greetings… no communication but for this box and keyboard that becomes our life…

Life is too short… that person’s life was cut short… it can happen at any moment…

I log in, check my email, launch the web to enjoy the scenery of the tour de france as I bring up the streaming video online for the race… I sip my delicious latte… I write this note to you…

... I send each of you a this note of hope... that God bless you and grant you the notion to take a moment too… reflect… smile… live your life… love one another… take a moment to acknowledge your life… for it too shall pass… life is not a race, but a road that has many turns with opportunities to stop once in a while and take in the scenery… any-witch-way… so... slow down… help others… greet… love… live.

Love wins.
:)*
jillY

graduation...

Life is hard... sometimes it happens to you and you have no control over the situation or the events... you just sit there in disbelief...

I'm in the process of moving into a new house… building a home of my own… on my own… this is new to me… a new chapter I’m writing. It’s very scary, everything I previously learned and grew accustomed to is no longer a staple in my life. My best friend has found a new love and new life; I no longer feel the connection and bond that was once so profound... a link I thought nothing could break... a love that I thought could weather the changing tides...

As I was packing papers, books and belongings I stumbled upon a file of poems, notes, cards and photos that I had collected since college… this folder was misplaced among the majority of the bang and clatter… it was a file of love notes I had saved from my ex-husband since the very first moment I met him in 1990. Newspaper clippings from our greek week memories, notes of inspiration, apologies, encouragement and love… lots of tears were shed looking over the love and feelings poured into all of these beautiful, priceless pieces of paper that lay in a pile in front of me. I placed them all into a box... a place that I shall not visit; ever again.

My life of 20 years with this man, my best friend, is ending...
I found this note amongst the paperbacked memories...


On Her Graduation...

If you can take whatever life may hand you, and from it try to fashion something good…
If you know others may not understand you, but you keep right on doing what you should…
If you can watch a friend go off without you, and know that you can take such things in stride…
If you are kind and just to all about you and let the Golden Rule become your guide…
If you are wronged and still can be forgiving, believing it is better to forget…
If you think there is too much joy in living to waste your time on anger and regret…
If you accept a failure and not mind it, but stop to learn the lesson it can teach…
If you resist temptation when you find it, remembering the goal you want to reach…
If you can hold your own when you’re not winning and know you can’t achieve the things you plan…
If you can proudly make a new beginning and never lose your faith in God and man…
You’ll find success is waiting if you’re willing, that happiness is there for all who try…
Your life will be rewarding and fulfilling, and nothing good will ever pass you by!

- Mary, Tim’s Grandmother's note to me - May 8th, 1993 Graduation Day, Central Michigan University

Shine on.
Love wins.