this song exemplifies how i felt about my first, one, and only love in college; the man who became my husband of thirteen years... at age twenty it is hard to understand the boundaries and feelings involved when one falls so madly, deeply and crazy in love... the kind of love that makes you completely lose sense and sensibility... the kind of love that blindsides you and inflicts unknowing ramifications on each other's sanity, needs and responsibilities...
i was so in love with you... i was so driven by that 'crazy' love... almost obsessed one could say... a love unlike anything i've ever known prior to; or ever since... one of those controlling, 'i cant live without you' loves... desperate and obsessive, lustful and everlasting... a love so deep that many people never ever even get a glimpse of during their lifetime...
we broke up because this love was too intense... and although we eventually came back together... for better or for worse... something was lost in the process...
this song is about that one of a kind love... the lyrics are incredible... the intense live version of this song is amazing... as is the beautiful soft dreamy version...
i’m thankful to have experienced such an amazing, terrible, incredible love... and sad for it's enviable end...
I was denied the coveted snare drum allotment in 5th grade band… I was singled out as the off-key singer in 11th grade choir… but, I persevere through my musical journey despite a few wrong notes…
I love the classics… mozart, beethoven, bach… I can truly admire their complexity, beauty and never-ending staying power they have among generation to generation… thus why they are indeed referenced as “classical” music… interesting to know… mozart was locked in a room as a child with a pen, paper and his bed… he could write music notes before he could write words… beethoven was deaf at an early age and cut the legs off a piano so he could feel the vibrations of the music in order to continue composing and conducting... bach’s virtuosity was self-taught and he became blind by over-straining his eyes in poor light through many years of writing and copying music… he wrote his masterpiece "Mass in B Minor” almost totally blind…
of the heart… forms the heart…
5th grade… I really wanted to play the drums… only two students were selected for the beloved positions available in the band… and since I did not score high enough to be awarded one of those positions, I resorted to playing the flute… I didn’t want to play something so large or trite as a trumpet, tuba, or trombone… and was not fond of the clarinet or saxophone… piano wasn’t an option either… and there were no strings such as guitar, violin or cello… those beautiful string instruments were out of price range for a youngster such as myself in those days anyway… so, I was forced to “settle” with playing the flute if I truly wanted to be in the elementary music class… rejected; advised that I was average, and not talented or rhythmical enough to play my instrument of choice… I carried on…
I learned how to play the flute, I took lessons, followed in my sister’s pursuit of playing the awkward silver instrument that I would often double as a baton and practice my majorette moves with, unrenowned to my mom of course, who probably would not have been pleased with the idea… regardless, I did just well enough to maintain a significant place standing/top seat among the flutist sections in the orchestra… not the best, but not the worst…
then… my best friend decided to get serious about playing the flute… I tried the oboe… I tried the precision flute… hoping for something to inspire me… nothing! Until, I finally I decided… I am either going to really play this instrument or forget it… amazing what can happen when you actually apply yourself to accomplishing something… I focused on playing my flute to scale… learned the great artists and their work… music that truly touches the heart and stirs the soul… I took a genuine interest for the first time in my orchestral vocation and landed the coveted first chair position via winning challenges over my colleagues… I accomplished the top honor in band and received a multitude of ribbons and medals during the same time frame for my musical achievements…
choir took me into another direction… after being singled out among my peers by my teacher (not judy schnebly)… I found myself canceling my choir class the following year to take typing and spanish classes instead… this decision in hind sight turned out to be a great choice and blessing in disguise (there is no way I would have survived my college years without typing knowledge!) I continued singing and playing music via new outlets and venues at my own discretion, self teaching and criticisms…
from the heart… fills the heart…
against the odds… I received a phone call from Ed McMahon years later who called me to personally congratulate me and my singing group, J3, on winning the Inspirational Music Singing Category for NextBigStar.com Star Search… which ultimately led to our first self-produced cd project and two additional Nashville recording projects over the past four years…
I’m certain that bach had his moments of great criticism, trials and tribulations… "overture no. 3 in d major: air" is absolutely beautiful in reflection of this notion... it's so peaceful... uplifts your soul high... then sadly takes you down... and then picks it back up... a genuine lullaby... i love the emotion and the hardship and the serenity it eludes!!! i too... love how bach was involved and influenced in his church as a young man... where his music truly ignited and was born alive within... my musical upbringing and inspiration is much like this... my church, zion, my refuge and sanctuary of my first musical compositions, emotional performances and beautiful tributes...
from the heart… to the heart…
music is truly something we all create and nurture within each of our own souls… it is up to each of us to take that song within our heart and work on it... in our own way... to make it magical… worthwhile… and wonderful for ourselves… for when the music stirs our own soul... it is only then, that it can possibly stir another’s… we ourselves, are really the only critics that truly matter in this lullaby of life… may you too take the first chair... and a bow!
Eight years ago was the last time I saw her… I left her sitting on the bed… I walked away… thinking I better look back… I may never see her again… I glanced… I thought I should run back and hug her again, and again, and again… because inside I knew…
She was radiant! Her beautiful complexion, her beautifully manicured hands that she took such good care of… nothing fancy, just classic and beautiful despite years of hard labor and tedious work she used them for working on the honey farm… her soul was more alive than ever… her thoughts bright and pure and clear… it was just her body that was giving out on her… her shell…
I could see the sadness in her eyes although she would never be one to admit… she was too strong a woman, but I could see… her soul… so brilliant… and this body of hers… withering and collapsing before us…
What she was to miss the most was the time she spent with her beloved loved ones who loved her back immensely… when I left the room… I left her to silence… I miss her now more than ever… and I still see her sitting there as if it were yesterday…
Time of fruition…
It was an early morning I was in the shower and felt overcome with this sense of angst… that feeling you get when you feel like something terrible just happened and your heart drops for no apparent reason… I immediately whispered a prayer… “God, I pray that you please help Grandma go home… please give here peace and please don’t let her suffer anymore… please be there with her… please help her go home…”
I wasn’t sure if I was praying that she be healed enough to go back to her residence… this is what I was feeling on a rational level… but I was yet to find out the truth of why I uttered such a prayer of urgency for her to be accompanied home…
I finished getting ready for work and began the commute… playing on current rotation in my car cd changer was a compilation cd of great Christian music… this song, "Every Season" came on… I thought of Grandma again… I began to cry for no apparent reason… I felt moved by the words and how the singer/songwriter executed it so beautifully and meaningful… I thought of how wonderful the lyrics were… I thought of our childhood family reunions in the summertime… I thought of how we celebrated her 85th birthday that past fall, I thought of how cold it was now in wintertime… I thought of how much I was looking forward to the springtime to take this heavy winter blanket off from our shoulders… I thought of how sad it was to see my grandmother confined to sitting in her cold hospital room… and the reality of dialysis woes…
I arrived to work… all seemed normal… and then my sister called me with the news… My grandmother passed away that early winter morning… her body gave out… she was trying to walk… but her body just quit working… she was laid to rest… sent home…
I thought of my grandmother’s hands again as I opened one of her many tattered, torn, well worn, used and loved Bibles to read a verse at her memorial service…
Proverbs 16:24… pleasant words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones…
My grandparents were beekeepers… this verse stood out to me that morning as I tried to think of something I could say to her… to our family that would bring peace, love and a bit of hope to everyone… this verse exemplified everything I felt towards my Grandma and all that she gave me… her kind, generous, beautiful… pleasant words… honey to my soul… healing to my bones… music of my life… an instrument in recreating me…
"Every Season" Nichole Nordeman
Every evening sky, an invitation To trace the patterned stars And early in July, a celebration For freedom that is ours And I notice You In children’s games In those who watch them from the shade Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder You are summer ....
And even when the trees have just surrendered To the harvest time Forfeiting their leaves in late September And sending us inside Still I notice You when change begins And I am braced for colder winds I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come You are autumn ....
And everything in time and under heaven Finally falls asleep Wrapped in blankets white, all creation Shivers underneath And still I notice you When branches crack And in my breath on frosted glass Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter You are winter ....
And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced Teaching us to breathe What was frozen through is newly purposed Turning all things green So it is with You And how You make me new With every season’s change And so it will be As You are re-creating me Summer, autumn, winter, spring....
Every Season This Mystery By Nichole Nordeman Release date: 2000-05-23
Godspeed My Beautiful Grandma Maggie… - j. marshon
