recreating me…

Every Season

Eight years ago was the last time I saw her… I left her sitting on the bed… I walked away… thinking I better look back… I may never see her again… I glanced… I thought I should run back and hug her again, and again, and again… because inside I knew…

She was radiant! Her beautiful complexion, her beautifully manicured hands that she took such good care of… nothing fancy, just classic and beautiful despite years of hard labor and tedious work she used them for working on the honey farm… her soul was more alive than ever… her thoughts bright and pure and clear… it was just her body that was giving out on her… her shell…

I could see the sadness in her eyes although she would never be one to admit… she was too strong a woman, but I could see… her soul… so brilliant… and this body of hers… withering and collapsing before us…

What she was to miss the most was the time she spent with her beloved loved ones who loved her back immensely… when I left the room… I left her to silence… I miss her now more than ever… and I still see her sitting there as if it were yesterday…

Time of fruition…

It was an early morning I was in the shower and felt overcome with this sense of angst… that feeling you get when you feel like something terrible just happened and your heart drops for no apparent reason… I immediately whispered a prayer… “God, I pray that you please help Grandma go home… please give here peace and please don’t let her suffer anymore… please be there with her… please help her go home…”

I wasn’t sure if I was praying that she be healed enough to go back to her residence… this is what I was feeling on a rational level… but I was yet to find out the truth of why I uttered such a prayer of urgency for her to be accompanied home…

I finished getting ready for work and began the commute… playing on current rotation in my car cd changer was a compilation cd of great Christian music… this song, "Every Season" came on… I thought of Grandma again… I began to cry for no apparent reason… I felt moved by the words and how the singer/songwriter executed it so beautifully and meaningful… I thought of how wonderful the lyrics were… I thought of our childhood family reunions in the summertime… I thought of how we celebrated her 85th birthday that past fall, I thought of how cold it was now in wintertime… I thought of how much I was looking forward to the springtime to take this heavy winter blanket off from our shoulders… I thought of how sad it was to see my grandmother confined to sitting in her cold hospital room… and the reality of dialysis woes…

I arrived to work… all seemed normal… and then my sister called me with the news… My grandmother passed away that early winter morning… her body gave out… she was trying to walk… but her body just quit working… she was laid to rest… sent home…

I thought of my grandmother’s hands again as I opened one of her many tattered, torn, well worn, used and loved Bibles to read a verse at her memorial service…

Proverbs 16:24… pleasant words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones…

My grandparents were beekeepers… this verse stood out to me that morning as I tried to think of something I could say to her… to our family that would bring peace, love and a bit of hope to everyone… this verse exemplified everything I felt towards my Grandma and all that she gave me… her kind, generous, beautiful… pleasant words… honey to my soul… healing to my bones… music of my life… an instrument in recreating me…



"Every Season"
Nichole Nordeman

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer ....

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn ....

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter ....

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring....

Every Season
This Mystery
By Nichole Nordeman
Release date: 2000-05-23

Godspeed My Beautiful Grandma Maggie…
- j. marshon