my so-called plaster-of-paris life...

my so-called plaster-of-paris life...

i don't think I have ever been quite so unhappy and yet gaining contention at the same time... thusfar in my life… this is a strange venture for me… a new place… gone is the life i once thought i would live out… the secure life of a housewife, a determined business pro, the perfect churchy girl… now, i appear in other's eyes as shameful… a failure, an adulterer (even thought i didn't commit any act of adultery)… i am still a liar, used and broken… i appear to others as a mold of discontent; and i can see the reflection of judgment in their eyes… but not in God's…

… i believe God knows what is going to take place in our lives… he has the plan all figured out… i have undergone so many struggles in my life… i know it doesn't appear that way by the perfect plaster-of-paris mold that this myspace page exuberates… this site only shows you the accomplishments… the trophies… but i am so much more than that… aren't we all…

i hope so… how shallow would this world be if all we were in life was our accomplishments and the easy-going beautiful fun and shinny side of things…

… life doesn't work that way… sometimes some of us have unbelievable challenges and struggles… that is why my personal philosophy is and always will be to remember 'everyone has a story that will break your heart... be compassionate and try to find the best quality in every person... life is short; and when it comes right down to it; our only purpose on this planet is to love one another.'

… i've/i'm living a life of strife… don't know why God has put me thought such challenges… living without… losing my innocence, mind, marriage… some of the struggles… mountains i climb… mountains we all climb i suppose…

i am lovable… so why do i so often feel so unloved… why am i so alone… because i decide not to settle for less than what i believe to be the minimal… our choices can hurt us and others… help us and save others… it's a balance of opposites… a constant struggle between good times and bad… why do i so often feel stuck in the middle…

... again... i suppose we all do at times...

... i have a constant raging desire to break out of this mold... i've shattered the outer layer; created a hell of a mess in the process too... now, i'm trying to pick up the pieces... and clear off the patches of dust that remain on the exterior...

how long?...

... think of life's perfect model as an analogy to plaster-of-paris molds that have to be broken in order for the inner being to be seen as it truly is... the beauty inside...

... this is where i am... breaking out of the mold; searching for what to do next... the shiny inertia starting to peer through...




broken; scott stapp

why are we overcome with fear?
what if i told you that fear isn't real.
why are we overcome with death?
what if i told you my friends your doubt
you could live without!

there is a question i want to understand
why can't everyone tell the truth and learn to love again

do you know...what it feels like to be broken and used
scared and confused
yes i know

one more question... i know time is dear
is what the world speaks of love really real?
the answers not of this world but very clear
look above to find love and you found eternal life

street corner preachers you've heard before
friendly advice just gets thrown out the door
there is a question that i want to understand
why can't everyone tell the truth...and learn to love again

do you know...what it feels like to be broken and used?
scared and confused
yes i know...what it feels like to be broken and used
scared and confused
yes i know
i'm broken!