Legends say...
the hummingbird floats free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration... opening our eyes to the wonder of the world and inspire us to open our hearts to loved ones and friends. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life’s sweetest creation.
Love wins… regardless of any circumstance or situation… love always wins… I awoke the next morning to sunshine streaming through the windows… it was brilliant… I felt better having cried away many of life’s regrets the night before… a lady in white came to me in a dream… she knelt over me and touched my forehead… it seemed surreal… it was really the only thing I recall from my dreams that night… but, I felt much more relaxed… I got myself around and ventured downstairs for breakfast…
… there in the corner of the veranda was my table… round and amazingly festooned with a huge bouquet of brilliantly colored flowers… it is like out of a dream itself… the entire table… amazing colors of juices in beautiful crystal decanters… tiny glorious service ware for sugars and jellies… the array of fruit sprinkled with pomegranate (a very favorite if mine)… thinly sliced grapes and strawberries… it was perfect! So many details for me to examine and admire… I enjoyed the morning thoroughly…
I began thinking about dinner the evening prior… I was sitting at the same table… then garlanded with amazing red flowers and carefully selected linens… deep red crystal glasses… and an array of splendid china to accompany each course of my dinner… it was lovely… and to top it all off… the house kitty, Pete, welcomes me to the table as he adorns the veranda railing just above my table… Pete is a peculiar one… he lies on the railing… just like an old black squirrel I befriended years ago at my beach house in Michigan used to lay… I miss that silly behavior… Pete is bundle of attitude all the way… I love it! I love cats though… especially those with personality, posh demeanor, stance and grace… that is Pete… Pete sits up to display his character full force, and as he stands, his heart shaped patch of golden fur is profoundly revealed. “Love wins!” I say out loud… “He’s a heart kitty… love wins!” I’m pleasantly humbled…
Each day on my journey here in the Dominican Republic I’ve noticed heart shapes in the most unconventional places… shapes that pop up, appear and remind me that I am indeed on the proper path… that I am doing exactly what I should be doing… it is sort of an affirmation to me that things are going to be alright… that God is with me… each time I see a heart shape I say a little prayer of gratitude… it’s my life’s mantra… love wins… these little reminders give me a sense of peace and joy in the world around me… I am reminded of how blessed I am… and I am grateful that I am one of the few who actually sees this affirmation in life…
There on the veranda enjoying dinner, I was finally able to connect to the internet via iPod… it had been several days that I was out of touch with the world… Internet marketing is what I do for a living, so not having email, facebook, google, or my cell phone (which broke on my first day of the trip), at my disposal was a real adjustment… I fired off a few emails to my sister, work, people who have been waiting for replies… I only answer the urgent… “Tell mom I am doing just fine… it is beautiful here!” [SEND] off to my sister… I set the iPod down… it was beautiful… the setting, food, classical music, candlelight, the dark night sky… almost overwhelmingly beautiful… absolutely beautiful… and then there he appears... he pops up so quietly… I’m taken back… not sure how to feel about being so well taken care of… the service is amazingly professional and eloquent here at The Peninsula House… but… how I wish he would just sit down and take up a chair next to me and join me in food and conversation; instead of waiting on me… I feel a disconnection in that scenario… it’s the only thing missing… someone special to share all this beauty with. That is the one thing I miss the most about marriage. My ex-husband and I would dine out frequently, often at wonderful places with lovely ambiance and pallet selections… both food and spirits… we laughed, talked, conversed about everything… I truly miss having someone in my life that can communicate on the same plateau… someone who just “gets you.” Someone who is capable of intelligently, sarcastically and cleverly talking, discussing, arguing, agreeing, giggling (especially when no words are necessary) with.
Back to the future… my breakfast eggs arrive to order, scrambled with cheese… perfect! Dark black coffee, amazing fresh orange, pineapple and papaya juices… yes, I had to try all of them!!! Delicious! I sat quietly there by myself overlooking the grounds, ocean view and sunshine encircling me… I bow my head and say a quick prayer of thanks to God for this blessing… although feeling unworthy… the tears swell up again… I grab my iPod and shoot off an email…
“This place is so beautiful… but, vacation is just not the same without you… I miss you…”
[SEND]
Uggh… I immediately have qualms about hitting the send button… :/ I begin to tear up again… Thinking about him with his new girlfriend in Bratislava... I shake my head and look down... ask God to forgive my life mistakes… I wipe away the tears and remind myself to look up and enjoy the beautiful scenery as I will be headed back to snowy grey days in Michigan soon… when I looked up… I had to catch my breath… there right in front of me… like a picture framed just for me… appeared the most brilliant rainbow that I have ever seen... blazing colors… It extends the entirety of the shoreline below… stretched out in front if me… ending and hovering on one side above the renowned “Peninsula House Beach Club” that I have yet to experience… the other end positioned directly in front of me… I am breathless… and immediately I know… I am forgiven… I share a special acknowledgment with God… I am humbled beyond belief… I watch the entire rainbow float on and disperse into the universe… God promised me he would always love me… and he will not forsake me… forgiveness is love… the weight of the world dispersed off from my shoulders in that moment as the rainbow did. The sense of serenity exonerated me. No one else was around to see the rainbow… only me… and God...
Following this moment of bliss, I decided to lounge by the pool and soak it all in for an hour prior to taking a visit to the beach that afternoon… On my way to the pool I paused briefly on the veranda to look out on the beautiful lawn… just then a hummingbird flew right up to me… I have never had one come so close to me in proximity before… I thought he was going to poke me with his tiny beak he was so close… :)* … hummingbirds are such beautiful birdies… so soft and delicate… fast and furious… I love them very much… one of my favorite creatures of the air… I grabbed my camera and caught a picture of him mid-air hovering above me… strange I thought… blessed…
The pool was brisk and refreshing… I love swimming pools… I sat and read for a bit… then I visited the pool house… on my way into the pool house, I wondered to myself where I might spot the heart shapes today… the rainbow was pretty intense… not to mention the hummingbird… I wondered if there would be any additional love signs today at all as a result… then… in a moment, as I entered the wash room to rinse my face, I turned around for a towel and right there in front of me… the answer… a heart shape in the chair immediately greeting me. :) again… I am humbled… I dive back into the pool and float around like a child… completely enjoying the feel of the fresh sunshine on my face, and weightlessness of the water cradling me… I feel completely in the moment… completely at peace… as I look up… love is in the air too… heart shaped clouds… how fun I giggle to myself! Love wins.
Next stop… the beach house… we arrive at this small piece of paradise… a quick walk through the restaurant… to the beach… I’m speechless… I have a nine mile stretch of beach all to myself… now I feel a bit foolish that I slept and wept away my afternoon the day prior when I could have been laying by the ocean here… but, “Everything in its time,” I remind myself… "everything has its time, place and reason…" I arrange my lounge chair on the beach… take a swim in the beautiful shallow turquoise waters… I am completely humbled… again…
I enjoyed learning about the background and history of how this beach house came to be… it is truly special… it is indeed the proverbial pot of gold that encompasses one end of the rainbow! I take a cocktail for the beach… two hours later I am sunkissed and ready for something to eat…
Lobster and wine for lunch… okay… for a girl who has abandoned drinking for the past few weeks… this is all really hitting me pretty strong… tasty though…
I wander back off to the beach to body surf and enjoy the afternoon lounging… all by myself on the beach… it is amazing!!! Complete solitude… then… stinging sensations… is it the noseeums, the sand, the breeze in conjunction with the sand???… Nope, sunkissed skin… a little too much sunkissing though… I walk along the beach a bit… knelt down to find a heart shaped fossil… I kiss it and place it in my pocket… back to my lounge I notice yet another heart shape… this time a sweet little rock… I scoop it up, kiss it, and place it in my pocket… how wonderful! Love wins! I pack up my belongings and venture back to my new favorite place in beach earth… The Peninsula House Beach Club… new acquaintances… lovely people filled the place with laughter, joy and love… heaven on earth!
As the taxi driver began driving me out of town I couldn't help but notice the huge potholes in the roads… likely the result of recent nightly rainfalls… we climbed hill after hill… it was pretty crazy… after some spastic corners and climbs… we reached the gate to The Peninsula House… they buzzed us in and then the real curves and turns began… the driveway was a wonderful curvy road with a side gulch for rain to run down the hill… it was interesting, filled with steep angles that the taxi driver had to maneuver through… and then whew, suddenly out of nowhere around the final bend… the most beautiful house I’ve laid eyes on!!!
I exited the taxi and was immediately greeted by two of the most beautiful dogs… they were Rhodesian Ridgebacks… just gorgeous… and alongside them... two absolutely beautiful men in gorgeous white linen! Wow, I thought I had just exited the plane and landed on fantasy island! ;) … then there was Puppy Monster… a local breed puppy-ish playful doggie who also made a point to come up to me and say hello… he too… beautiful… but, his beauty lies mostly within… Thomas, the owner of the house shared with me the story of how he found Puppy Monster in the road on new years last year. He said he seen something strange in the road, but thought in no way could it be a dog... maybe a huge spider or something... he investigated anyway... there was Puppy... he scooped him up and gave him a new home at The Peninsula House...
There are many local wild dogs that litter the island… it is quite sad really… when I passed through town and milled on the beaches… the doggies wandered about… such sadness in their faces and eyes… I felt very sad for them… but hugged and kissed them none-the-less :)*
“Puppy” monster hit a soft spot with me immediately… he made me feel very happy and less sad about being so homesick and away from my beloved Chico, miniature pincher, who makes me smile with unconditional love and loyalty… I was missing him terribly.
Once greeted properly by all three doggies... I took a brief tour of the Peninsula House… it was gorgeous… I described it to my mom as…
"If you were to build me a life-size doll house; specifically designed for me... this is what it would look like!" ... inside and out... it is absolutely perfect!!!
I retired to my room… it was perfectly decorated for me! I was feeling very morose… here I was surrounded by the most incredible beauty and serenity… but, still life carries on… and the reality of this weekend marked my 'would be' 14th year wedding anniversary… a memory that shines brightly til this day… I was sad… my room became my refuge… I could no longer hold back tears as I closed the doors to the veranda outside the room and settled in for an dreamy afternoon nap… I cried myself to sleep… sad, wasted tears littered my pillow… I dreamed…
I awoke a couple hours later… opened the doors of my room… the light breeze and fresh air was magical! I ventured out of my room and made my way to the main floor veranda… the furniture, plants, paintings, music, décor… was all out of a dream itself… a bit of an antique and interior decorator myself, I thought it was absolutely splendid!!! I walked around the house and entertained myself with each and every little detail that illuminated my presence… little framed photographs in the library caught my direct attention… they were so simple… so lovely... I thought… these are the people who this house honors…
I lingered back outside to the veranda… again… the men in white… beautiful… this place is so serene and awe-inspiring… literally took my breath away… and I was struggling to hold back the tears… I was sad that I couldn’t share this moment with someone special… here I was all alone in complete paradise… encompassed in an environment that leaves you with nothing but the notion of contemplating your life… a place that gives you the opportunity to wipe the slate clean… but, it was painful to succumb to this reality and enjoy it completely… the reality that it was only me… a moment and time for me to face my thoughts, failures, loneliness all by myself… my thoughts being that which was sharing this most escapist encounter…
I ventured out onto the property to find a secluded lounge and read a book… I began reading…
This phrase stood out from the book… I underlined it…
“Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe."
Fitting for me and my thoughts of struggle right now in my life... I was in this mode of self condemnation… feeling very badly for my failures in life… and this single trip was taking it’s toll on me… then I read this…
“I asked if you felt they were perfect? (your parents)… of if they needed improvement…you said they weren’t perfect, but… they don’t need improvement… this is very insightful… do you know why? … because it means you are willing to accept people as they are… nobody is perfect… that’s okay… “May the Lord cause his countenance to shine upon you…” So now I am blessed, the Lord shines on me…
I looked out over the land in front of me and below… "I got it!" I felt God’s presence and forgiveness… however, I still could not accept it… I began to cry… and just at that moment… from out of nowhere… Puppy Monster charges up to me, lays his sweet arms over my legs and licks away the tears on my face… I am taken back… humbled… I kissed his beautiful little face… hugged him tight… he stayed there for a few more seconds… then, as if he knew he had done what he came to do… he charged back up to the house…
There is such sweetness the sincere telepathy of animals... and how they just know when you are sad... and are able to make you feel better... I felt blessed! I turned around and took some snapshots… the sunshine was beautiful through the trees… day was dawning…
… to be continued.
“The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within.” – Mohandas Gandhi
planes… I arrived in Flint, MI by car with 10 minutes to check email prior to boarding my flight to Atlanta, GA… in Atlanta I quickly hopped on the train…to tram me to the complete opposite end of the airport with no time to spare, and quickly boarded my connecting flight to Miami, FL… Once in Miami… I walked the airport horseshoe to sit for 10 minutes prior to boarding the 747 jet to the Dominica Republic…
Arriving in Santo Domingo, I was quickly picked up by the local airport transportation company, AERODOMCA. They were efficient and professional. As a stranger in a strange land, I had my reservations… but, I had come this far… it was in God’s hands now… The staff greeted me with a hand-made welcome sign bearing my name. Easy enough I thought… they escorted me through the airport. I felt like a celebrity being directed around… such special treatment. I didn’t even have to wait in any lines… they hustled me through the airport and autoshuttled me over to the airport hub where I immediately boarded a private small engine plane equipped with two very young pilots… cute too… ;) Okay I thought, here we go… it was beautiful! There was barely enough room for me and my carry-on bag in the back seat of the three seat plane. But, we all fit like bugs in a rug, and immediately took off for Las Terrenas.
Travel Tip: http://www.aerodomca.com/ … very much worth the extra $ for the private plane!
The area was beautifully capped with serene beaches, palm trees and beautiful countryside. The city of Las Terrenas itself, was a different invitation into a culture and lifestyle I had not been exposed to before. I took a taxi to arrive at The Peninsula House, and made my way through town. My taxi driver who's family owned much property in the immediate area, was very proud of his family and his house (which I must say, was one of the best homes in the area). He gave me a complete guided tour through town… a very pleasant and kind fellow. I felt grateful for him and his sense of accomplishment/pride. I was very grateful for having the blessing of meeting him, feeling and knowing his joy “of country and home” through his eyes, smiles, and heartfelt love.
Photograph: Pot hole in the road; Las Terrenas, Dominican Republic
A Charmed Life
I’ve traveled previously to various out-of-the-way places in the Caribbean. However, this trip seemed to open my eyes up a little more clearly as each far off place normally tends to do with me… The more I experience, the more I see… the more I see… the more grateful I am for my charmed life.
I’ve seen some interesting people, cultures, places and living structures. One of the first places I visited in the Caribbean was Cozumel and Cancun. Beyond overabundance of bartering, they were mostly filled with tourists packed on a peninsula littered with cookie cutter designed resorts where the less enthusiastic and unadventurous tourists can simply drink their vacation away instead of expanding their brain with the culture and history that surrounds them.
I then traveled the land of Aruba. Beautiful, fairly, if for only that one incident, very safe. You could cover the island quickly and in your very own rented jeep. I must say, I was a bit bored after a few days of taking in what there was to see from a tourist’s perspective… Still, it was beautiful. Culture was a bit different. The only thing that really made an impression was that it was dirty in places, and the cemeteries were strange in that they were running out of places to bury their dead. Beyond that, the island was alright. Not too unfortunate of a land to dwell in. I enjoyed the trip, but don’t see a reason to travel back there any time soon.
From Aruba… came my next trip to Jamaica… you know the song… "Aruba, Jamaica… ohhh I wanna take ya… to… Bermuda…" yes, anyway… that is the line up as it would come to fruition for me…
Jamaica greeted me with a marijuana offering after barely stepping off the plane… Welcome to Jamaica Mon! I took a bus/taxi from Montego Bay to Negril. We traveled a long stretch along the island’s shoreline occasionally littered with tiny huts; servicing residents of the island as homes of what would be considered the ‘homeless’ in my land of origin. We traveled through small villages where the children were dressed in school uniforms, hair braided and tied back neatly… all stood in formation and followed direction of a head master. It all seemed very structured and a little harsh. Clearly less fortunate than the USA childhood schoolyards. And thought it was not the ideal way of living, it wasn’t absolutely decrepit. There were housing structures, villages, and schools. Again though, I thought this is not exactly a place I would like to live in. It did not have the modern conveniences of America, the home of the free.
My next jaunt was to Bimini Island which crests the west tip of the Bermuda triangle in the Bahamas. This was a much smaller island than Aruba or Jamaica, but it still had much to be desired when you consider living standards and overall quality of life.
My most recent stop in the Dominica Republic was much different. I know there are parts of this land that are completely barren and where residents balance their lives in their hands with treacherous living conditions. I was in a “good” part of the island, Las Terrenas. I traveled there in a small three seat plane. The area was beautifully capped with serene beaches, but the city of Las Terrenas itself, was a different invitation into a culture and lifestyle I had not been exposed to before.
Babies, who could only barely be five years old carried babies under 12 months. Mud littered the streets and children walked wild through the town’s side streets in conjunction with the wild dogs that litter the land. It is a new picture of how people live in this world. Not the worst by far, but so much to be desired. The area is toiled with dilapidated buildings and dwellings. It was dirty, muddy with narrow roads filled with deep potholes and gulches that could swallow a small family whole.
As I made my way through town, my taxi driver who owned much property in the immediate area, was was very proud of his family and his house (which I must say, was one of the best homes in the entire area), gave me the complete guided tour. He was so pleasant and kind. He was very happy. He doesn’t know any other way of lifestyle. This is his home and his land. I felt grateful for him and his sense of accomplishment/pride. I was very grateful for having the blessing of meeting him, feeling and knowing his joy “of country and home” through his eyes, smiles, and heartfelt love.
While I sat at a upscale bar/restaurant located outside of town enjoying my posh chair and surrounds, equipped with my beautiful martini cocktail, a young girl came skipping in. She was very pretty, fun playful hair and dressed in island attire. At first I was very happy to smile alongside her. And within a moment the honesty of her visit came through. She was most possibly a local prostitute. I was shocked at first. She wanted me to buy her a drink??? What else was she being so nice to me for??? I shivered… my naivety came spilling out like the drink almost did in my mouth at the wakefulness to the whole incident. Wow, that is crazy I thought. Then a friend next to me simply, nonchalantly said that, “Why yes. She might very well be a prostitute. She probably has three to five children that she is trying to take care of.”
This statement was so unemotional and matter-of-fact. Here I was feeling a bit disgusted, but primarily very sympathetic and sorry for the girl… then sorry for her children… I was filled with emotion regarding the entire scenario. I thought how strange, and how blessed I am to live in a place where prostitution is not organically such a casual thing of survival for the immediate community. There are no McDonalds or Buger Kings for them to flip burgers at in effort to put food on the family table. Wow, a real slap of reality. Secretly as I sat there, I thought to myself... I wanted to go home immediately.
I am so naive. Yes, indeed I am. Thank God! I am a sheltered Midwestern American girl from a 60 acre farm in the middle of nowhere, Michigan. Thank God. I am blessed to live in a small town where there isn't a need for a man to sit outside my window, door, and home with a gun 24/7 for protection. Where as a child my only concerns growing up included playing in mud puddles or making mud pies and cookies after a summer rainfall… Not lugging my little brother around in my arms to take care of him while my mother was off doing God-only-knows-what in order to keep me alive.
No, my brother and I had fun and played hide-n-seek with each other in the cornfield or barn loft… we did not have to raise each other… we were busy being a kid… not raising one. My mom was a stay-at-home mom; not off during the day soliciting services. I am so blessed to grow up in a one-room country schoolhouse… my siblings and neighbors being my best friends… still to this day! (Janel & Jenny)
I pray that I never lose sight of the beauty and truly “Norman Rockwell” life that I had growing up as a child in middle rural Michigan. I admit that at times, I’ve cursed that lifestyle and complained about the boredom… but, now my eyes have been opened. Perhaps this is my Christmas gift this year. To have this opportunity to see with my eyes wide open… hear with my eyes… see with my heart… how truly blessed I am in my beautiful, sheltered, naive, wonderful, amazing, mid-western, all-american-girl, charmed life!
I send up a prayer for all of those so less fortunate.
Bimini; Mystery Island - All that Lies Above Atlantis…
I love Bimini for many of its recognizable and blatant beauty secrets including the ever-refreshing and intoxicating turquoise blue waters brilliantly placed alongside extensive soothing white sandy beaches. However, what I find most admirable and consuming about this island, is the natural phenomenon and unsolved mysteries encompassed within its small stretch of land we reference as Bimini Island.
Bimini’s beauty and uncensored peaceful core holds the true underlying secrets of the island’s mystery and sheer allure. Perhaps this land holds the most pertinent sacred secrets of all time. There are many fantastic facts this beautiful paradise holds within its small nooks and crannies as it sit so serenely along the tip of the Bermuda triangle, located only 40 miles into the ocean off Florida’s gold coast.
Perhaps Bimini's perch actually holds the key that unlocks all of the most fascinating, unexplainable and memorizing sea star secrets of The Lost Continent of Atlantis? Or the explanation to the cause and implications denounced as Bermuda Triangle. Bimini may just be the tip of the vortex of the universe. In my opinion it doesn’t just host the Fountain of Youth, it is the source to my fountain of youth!
It holds a strange exuberance that enlightens my world when I am immersed in the island’s beauty and grand scales of mystery… all that is… my Bimini…
I stepped on this land and was immediately taken! A quick signature and I was off island bound on a golf cart. Onward I directed my partner in crime as we made our jaunt to the end of the island… looking out over the waters of Paradise Point, I could only spy a few fins perking up out of the ocean waves… “Out there lies the road to Atlantis,” I whispered to myself… I relished in the shallow waters and enjoyed a moment of serene island relaxation. A washed up boat lie alongside the very far north end of the island. I wondered how it came to land in it’s final resting place… perhaps a hurricane, drug runners or the unfathomed plight of Devil’s Triangle… the lonely boat remains a mystery to me…
Venturing into town, I grab a bite at the local favorite eatery… fried lobster and Kaliks to please the pallet… perfectly! “All aboard,” I jumped at the quick invitation to snorkel the Road to Bimini… Kaliks in hand… on my way I went…
The Lost City of Atlantis is believed concealed below the shallow waters off of Bimini. Upon my first visit to Bimini, the Bimini Road was a sure “must see!” I dove in uber excited to experience this mystery first hand. Amazing peace filled my soul once down in the depths admiring the strange rock formations. I had to keep reminding myself to go back up to the surface for air. It was magical. I could have followed those rocks forever. Beauty and peace surrounded me and my soul felt like it was at home. A sea star greeted me along the rocks on the ocean floor below me. The sun streamed reflective and brilliant rays in the waters around me cradling me like angels. A most fascinating experience for certain that I can still feel to this day. I have a fossil I scooped from the depths of the rocky road. It is a heart-shaped fossil rock… and one of my most cherished possessions from the island.
I read about Edgar Cayce, the famous prophesier of the 1900's who predicted that evidence of the lost continent of Atlantis would materialize around 1968-1969 in the Bahamas. And how in 1968 a pilot discovered and photographed structures that looked like buildings, blocks, stone circles, walls and roads on the sea bed beneath Bimini island waters… the formation now referenced as Bimini Road and the mystery to the lost continent of Atlantis remains… I must admit after experiencing the road personally; there is more to those rock formations than meets the eye.
This is not the only magnificent discovery within the beautiful island world of Bimini. This island may just be the prescription that beholds the meaning of life and secrets of immortality in the The fountain of Youth. It is believed that the Fountain of Youth is located in the ocean passage between North and South Bimini. There is also the healing hole which draws many to dip in the waters hoping for health and cures. I attempted to find the “actual, authentic fountain of youth" I drove as far as the road would take me… but decided it wasn't worth risking my current life by trampling through a jungle or any possible drug trafficking franchises to discover it… I do want to go back… maybe next time with a guide though, so I can truly find the actual location also reportedly frequented by the greatness of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Following my failed attempt of finding the “actual/authentic” Fountain of Youth, I decided to belly up to one of Hemingway’s past dwellings. I enjoyed my very own independently guided tour hosted by myself, of The Compleat Angler. I photographed all of the rooms prior to it’s demise and ill fated fire that took the building and all the beautiful artifacts alongside. I truly enjoyed my tour of this small, wonderfully quaint hotel that was a cultural landmark and favorite haunt of American writer Ernest Hemingway on Bimini. It burnt to the ground in 2006 taking with it the owner and all of the Hemingway artifacts, photos and memorabilia – very, very, sad! – a really special place to have been blessed to visit.
Next stop on the island, the beaches... the bars... sporting my bikini... of course ;) I drank it all in... this amazing place called Bimini Island. There are so many fun places to visit and locals to chat with on this island. I adore every one of the amazing features that reside on such a small piece of world we call Bimini… I also love that this beautiful island is still unstirred by mega tourists…
I believe that perhaps the greatest mystery I’ve yet to solve and unlock about Bimini is more personal… Bimini somehow holds the key to my inner heart… opening the door to complete peace, love and happiness… Caribbean Living Style! There is so much about Bimini to love…
“… there's a million of us just like me… who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me… and just might be the next best thing… but not quite me!” - m. mathers
maybe you can convince yourself that she is the next best thing… and, she probably is… the next best thing… that is… next to me…
for you know… there is no replacing “me”…
… I am significantly different from anyone you have ever known… heard of… dreamed of… seen… or will ever know again…
I can say this with true confidence and sincerity…
… you will never know someone who sees the world through the same rose colored glasses as I do… who loves with abandon… who beholds such genuinely unique traits…
… there is no comparing me to any other of this world…
The most difficult thing about divorce is the lonesomeness that follows… the entirety of the relationship… when all is said and done… when there is nothing left to say… all that remains fills your every waking hour in horror stifling stillness… no one person can fill this unrelenting emptiness that accompanies such an event… absolutely no one thing fills the void… the loneliness that follows is painstakingly sad and surreal… there is nothing left to hold onto… not one person anywhere who you can talk to that can completely comprehend and understand what you are thinking, feeling, and enduring… it is a loss unlike anything before… worse than a death, because you are still alive dealing with this abandonment… in death there is burial… acceptance seems ever unavailing… I wish this upon no one… I am grasping for air… fervently reaching out to hold onto anything… instead I find absolutely nothing… I’m drowning… in a sea of tears…
They say… "it happens every day…" but, not every day to me…
I am so alone in this storm... this wave encompassing my everliving fears...
“… we don’t see things as they are… we see them as we are.” - a. nin HOW DO YOU PICTURE LIFE? … what image comes to mind when asked that question?
… THAT image… is your life metaphor… it’s the view of life that you hold consciously or unconsciously, in your mind. It is your description of how life works and what you expect from it. Your unspoken life metaphor influences your life… and defines your expectations, values, relationships, goals and priorities…
My life’s metaphor is a symbol my ex husband, Tim, and I found a year after our marriage when we revisited our honeymoon destination in Florida. The emblem is significant because while on our honeymoon we visited a different beach each day. Our wedding DJ actually recommended a variety of places to visit, and the one he recommend best was where we encountered and swam with three dolphins in the water. It was surreal and precious… a memory and moment that remains with us forever…
My life's metaphor image is that of three dolphins swimming in a continuous circle around a subtle yin-yang symbol. The design is very beautiful, flowing, and well articulated in pewter... it exemplifies the element of water…
The picture is a beautiful reminder and symbol of our wedding, friendship and love… but, there are many further implications and components that make this piece so precious to me… why it is indeed my life's metaphor...
... three is my favorite number…
... I am Aquarius, born in the sign of water… I am also very spiritual... I believe in the Holy Trinity... Father, Son and Holy Spirit… and that all things bleed into one... one source of energy when we die... that source of energy... the trinity... I believe that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are are always freely flowing around us in all that we do… a continuous loop of love… surrounding us with their protection and love… As a human being I believe that there is always good and bad to life on earth… the middle of the image is round shaped… like the earth… good times and bad will always be present in our lives… but, we are always protected by the trinity.
... the round shape in the center forms that of the yin-yang symbol... Tim and I were constantly enamored by the yin-yang symbol throughout our college years... we loved the philosophical implications that it holds true to and gives merit of... the symbol often brought great discussions and encouraged self-seeking/soul searching thoughts... the implication of good and bad is beautiful and elegantly depicted in the center of the image's design...
Another view of the piece that I have to wonder about are the three dolphins themselves… perhaps Tim and I were only meant to be a part of each other’s lives for a limited amount of time… as the Bible indicates, we are not to grow too attached to any one thing or person… that God has a plan for us… the dolphins’ form conjures up the notion of ‘the circle of life…” a continuous flowing beautiful natural circle…
I can’t begin to explain why our marriage did not last and why we separated… so many times I feel as if the entire situation was completely out of my hands… and now, more than ever I feel this way… I just can’t make it go away or make it right… it just is happening and it is a sad situation… perhaps good too… perhaps Tim and I will both find another soul in our lives to complete the circle of life that the dolphins indicatively swim in pattern of…
My life metaphor image could mean a variety of things. It keeps my mind ever open to God’s plan… I have to constantly remind myself that faith, hope and love ARE the good things he gives us… and the greatest is LOVE… to continue to love no matter what or how the earth turns and elements change among and around us… and to know that we are always protected and surrounded by the almighty.
A portion that I found interesting in my readings of “The Purpose Driven Life” includes the following statement… which is also a self motto that I try to live my life by and remain true to…
“… do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind… God’s view of life is that it is a test, a trust and a temporary assignment… he tests our faith through problems, our hope by how we handle possessions and our love through people…”
... three important tests… faith, hope and love...
... three tests executed through trials and tribulations of good and bad...
animal friends are amazing… I have been so blessed by my circus of animal friends accumulated over my life… they all hold a special and most amazing place in my heart…
zeek (ezekiel) was one of my favorites when i was a young girl… he followed me around everywhere… always alongside me as I practiced gymnastics, frolicked outside in the fields, and dreamed at night… always cuddled up close to me… he used to jump in my workout bag every day… such a beautiful siamese… sweet and opinionated cat… he was wonderful!!!
then one day to my heartbreaking dismay… I returned home from a week away at gymnastics camp to find nothing but an empty void… he wasn’t there… I called for him for hours… I searched the hillside fields… I cried myself to sleep in his missed presence… the only conclusion to be made… is that he wandered off in search of me… never to return home…
chico is my adoring adopted, rescued, miniature pincher… I acquired him four years ago from an online rescue mission for min pins… he is a most beautiful pedigreed… his former owner was a younger girl who did not have a lot of time to watch him and give him the attention he requires… the transition was hard for her, but she took much comfort in knowing how much I adore him and enjoy having him in my life… he isn’t the easiest of dogs… full of character and spunk… life and vigor!!! ... he can be very naughty and dangerously aggressive… we don’t allow him around small children… he bites and chases... not only children, but other dogs, anything furry... especially cats… some don’t seem to mind, some run for the hills…
chico has taken fairly well to my cat solomon (aka solly)… I rescued solly and fou from an online siamese rescue mission two years before getting chico… they have seniority… fou will not step foot in the same room as chico… while solly “tolerates” him… chico tries to play with solly as if he were another dog… doesn’t always work out very well for solly… chico tends to bite at him, but not too hard… chico knows he will get my wrath if anything happened to solly… chico also gets sweetly jealous of solly… it is silly... and darling to say the least regarding this interaction of dog/cat family…
with the warm weather approaching, my dad often sets chico outside on a chain so he can enjoy the sunshine and outdoor air while my dad works in his outbuildings… yesterday… was such a day… dad tied chico up securely and went off to do his chores…
unknowing to my dad, solly had slipped outside on his heels without detection… he set forth to make his escape into the wild… solly has no claws… he is a strictly an indoor cat… so him sneaking out the door was uncommon and not allowed! my dad was in the outbuildings for a good two hours, when he noticed on his way back toward the house, that chico had gotten free from his leash… dad searched the surrounding areas in panic! I constantly tell my dad to be very mindful of chico because it is miniature pincher's tendency to run away when set loose…
dad found them both... together… dog and cat alongside each other… solly was rolling around in the grass exploring the vast three acre lawn and treading toward the fields… there hovering over him like a father to a child, was a loose, chain-less chico… he had broken free from his leash to keep an eye on solomon… he had followed him all around the lawn for two hours…
it is amazing to me... the depth and love of our beloved animals... chico clearly knows how precious solly is to me… and that he had to monitor him and not allow him to wander away… i believe that animals are so much smarter than we give them credit for… they give us nothing but unconditional love… unmatched by any person on earth… I believe they are little angels sent from God alone...
what a blessing it is for me to come home to an adoring dog and a beautiful cat each day… they bark/meow and lick and kiss me every single time on arrival… they shimmy up to me each night to join me in my dreams… they are nothing short of pure, beautiful, perfect examples of loyalty and love! all are home... all is good... all is safe and sound... as long as they are around!
I spent the first week of april vacuuming, rearranging furniture, dusting, organizing… placing the easter decorations in their familiar spaces… enjoying the moment… in the house… that was our home… delighting in that familiar and whimsical notion of family… joy swirled around me and my thoughts like the dust and kitty dander floating in the sun rays off the windowsill…
he came home from his business trip… but, there was so much more different about him than business travel wearing on his face… something different… someone…
my God… my heart sinks… I can hardly swallow… this is it… our ungodly hour…
I couldn’t breathe as I packed my clothes and hastily shoved, threw and scurried my final belongings into the car… tears uncontrollably pouring down my face… the dogs in chaos… one with me… one stays with him… a family… home… life… torn apart… forevermore…
I packed the rest up into boxes… clothes and t-shirts collected over the past 20 years… reminders of the fun times, places, people, things, experiences, smiles, love, friendship, loss, pain, regret, sadness, heartache… packed all in boxes… cleaning my life… all of these things, thoughts, moments, memories packed into a box for goodwill… for someone to open up and see my life of accumulated articles of clothing, trinkets, souvenirs…
my life… in a box…
I have nothing... he has the house... I have useless gadgets and furniture that only evokes tears… I pack it all away, out of sight… but, never out of thought…
how do I start over… I have no idea where to go… what to do… who I am… it is all packed into those boxes…
springing from the depths of the earth… I am just now starting to peek through the darkness into the light… so much time has been lost… I have to start anew from the beginning… again… at this stage in my life… I am a genuine soul… I am pure… untainted… innocent…
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When someone is in your life for a REASON...
It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
Then people come into your life for a SEASON...
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME...
Then there are those who teach us lifetime lessons... things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.
THANK YOU for being a part of my life!
"... work like you don't need the money... ... love like you've never been hurt... ... and dance like no one is watching."
There is none that can break past this exterior hard coated barrier I shield my heart with...
... this is what I try to make people believe… what I try to believe myself… that... i am a rock... i am an island...
truth...
the truth is... that... I have a distorted life… a life uncommon… a life of struggle... hardships... and a trail of tears… ... I am one in a million… literally... physically... statically…
truth...
She never had her "first time." ... an ex-friend stole that experience from her; raped at the age of 18... she lost a large part of herself... part of her heart... and part of her soul in those events of that terrible night... stolen alongside her innocence... was her dream of ever experiencing that first moment with someone special... someone she was saving herself for... an experience she has lived... cried... and grieved for over 21 years now... because of this… she really doesn’t know... how to trust... anyone.
despite it all... she does know how to forgive... how to move on... how to rise above such hardships... how to succeed... and most importantly how to not let it kill her completely... how to let the rain wash away the tears...
she is... certainly... one of the most loyal friends you will ever have... as a sibling... best friend... relative... and child... she would lay down her life for you... she will forever... truly... deeply... openly... affectionately... and completely... love you...
... because when all is said and done... i believe in love... and love wins.
a poem of sacrifice that soldiers must endure... my heart goes out to our soldiers; their work to keep us here safe and free... freedom does come at a cost... our soldiers know this; and lay down their lives for it. Godspeed USA soldiers! just a civilian poem...
somnolent soldier
sadness fills my heart as you are half a world away… so grateful for your sacrifice… … so sad upon your return…
how i wish i could take war away from you… blind your eyes and mind from the pain, gore, and cruelty exposed… allow these things to disappear from your deportment forever…
how do you move forward with such embedded horror branded; imprinted on your ever-being…
how do you return to simply take your place among the bang and clatter… the monotonous march of the civilian…
certainly, it must be one of the most difficult things you've done… one of the most difficult things you'll continue to do… … a forbearing lifelong consequence…
let me try… allow me to take a portion… any amount… away from you… let me carry some of your burden… … you endured for me… let me cradle your beautiful face in my hands … let me look at you… into your eyes… dive into the depths of your soul carry you home…
an open vessel awaits… return through me… i give you my heart to absorb your wounds… … be still somnolent soldier…
this song exemplifies how i felt about my first, one, and only love in college; the man who became my husband of thirteen years... at age twenty it is hard to understand the boundaries and feelings involved when one falls so madly, deeply and crazy in love... the kind of love that makes you completely lose sense and sensibility... the kind of love that blindsides you and inflicts unknowing ramifications on each other's sanity, needs and responsibilities...
i was so in love with you... i was so driven by that 'crazy' love... almost obsessed one could say... a love unlike anything i've ever known prior to; or ever since... one of those controlling, 'i cant live without you' loves... desperate and obsessive, lustful and everlasting... a love so deep that many people never ever even get a glimpse of during their lifetime...
we broke up because this love was too intense... and although we eventually came back together... for better or for worse... something was lost in the process...
this song is about that one of a kind love... the lyrics are incredible... the intense live version of this song is amazing... as is the beautiful soft dreamy version...
i’m thankful to have experienced such an amazing, terrible, incredible love... and sad for it's enviable end...
I was denied the coveted snare drum allotment in 5th grade band… I was singled out as the off-key singer in 11th grade choir… but, I persevere through my musical journey despite a few wrong notes…
I love the classics… mozart, beethoven, bach… I can truly admire their complexity, beauty and never-ending staying power they have among generation to generation… thus why they are indeed referenced as “classical” music… interesting to know… mozart was locked in a room as a child with a pen, paper and his bed… he could write music notes before he could write words… beethoven was deaf at an early age and cut the legs off a piano so he could feel the vibrations of the music in order to continue composing and conducting... bach’s virtuosity was self-taught and he became blind by over-straining his eyes in poor light through many years of writing and copying music… he wrote his masterpiece "Mass in B Minor” almost totally blind…
of the heart… forms the heart…
5th grade… I really wanted to play the drums… only two students were selected for the beloved positions available in the band… and since I did not score high enough to be awarded one of those positions, I resorted to playing the flute… I didn’t want to play something so large or trite as a trumpet, tuba, or trombone… and was not fond of the clarinet or saxophone… piano wasn’t an option either… and there were no strings such as guitar, violin or cello… those beautiful string instruments were out of price range for a youngster such as myself in those days anyway… so, I was forced to “settle” with playing the flute if I truly wanted to be in the elementary music class… rejected; advised that I was average, and not talented or rhythmical enough to play my instrument of choice… I carried on…
I learned how to play the flute, I took lessons, followed in my sister’s pursuit of playing the awkward silver instrument that I would often double as a baton and practice my majorette moves with, unrenowned to my mom of course, who probably would not have been pleased with the idea… regardless, I did just well enough to maintain a significant place standing/top seat among the flutist sections in the orchestra… not the best, but not the worst…
then… my best friend decided to get serious about playing the flute… I tried the oboe… I tried the precision flute… hoping for something to inspire me… nothing! Until, I finally I decided… I am either going to really play this instrument or forget it… amazing what can happen when you actually apply yourself to accomplishing something… I focused on playing my flute to scale… learned the great artists and their work… music that truly touches the heart and stirs the soul… I took a genuine interest for the first time in my orchestral vocation and landed the coveted first chair position via winning challenges over my colleagues… I accomplished the top honor in band and received a multitude of ribbons and medals during the same time frame for my musical achievements…
choir took me into another direction… after being singled out among my peers by my teacher (not judy schnebly)… I found myself canceling my choir class the following year to take typing and spanish classes instead… this decision in hind sight turned out to be a great choice and blessing in disguise (there is no way I would have survived my college years without typing knowledge!) I continued singing and playing music via new outlets and venues at my own discretion, self teaching and criticisms…
from the heart… fills the heart…
against the odds… I received a phone call from Ed McMahon years later who called me to personally congratulate me and my singing group, J3, on winning the Inspirational Music Singing Category for NextBigStar.com Star Search… which ultimately led to our first self-produced cd project and two additional Nashville recording projects over the past four years…
I’m certain that bach had his moments of great criticism, trials and tribulations… "overture no. 3 in d major: air" is absolutely beautiful in reflection of this notion... it's so peaceful... uplifts your soul high... then sadly takes you down... and then picks it back up... a genuine lullaby... i love the emotion and the hardship and the serenity it eludes!!! i too... love how bach was involved and influenced in his church as a young man... where his music truly ignited and was born alive within... my musical upbringing and inspiration is much like this... my church, zion, my refuge and sanctuary of my first musical compositions, emotional performances and beautiful tributes...
from the heart… to the heart…
music is truly something we all create and nurture within each of our own souls… it is up to each of us to take that song within our heart and work on it... in our own way... to make it magical… worthwhile… and wonderful for ourselves… for when the music stirs our own soul... it is only then, that it can possibly stir another’s… we ourselves, are really the only critics that truly matter in this lullaby of life… may you too take the first chair... and a bow!
Eight years ago was the last time I saw her… I left her sitting on the bed… I walked away… thinking I better look back… I may never see her again… I glanced… I thought I should run back and hug her again, and again, and again… because inside I knew…
She was radiant! Her beautiful complexion, her beautifully manicured hands that she took such good care of… nothing fancy, just classic and beautiful despite years of hard labor and tedious work she used them for working on the honey farm… her soul was more alive than ever… her thoughts bright and pure and clear… it was just her body that was giving out on her… her shell…
I could see the sadness in her eyes although she would never be one to admit… she was too strong a woman, but I could see… her soul… so brilliant… and this body of hers… withering and collapsing before us…
What she was to miss the most was the time she spent with her beloved loved ones who loved her back immensely… when I left the room… I left her to silence… I miss her now more than ever… and I still see her sitting there as if it were yesterday…
Time of fruition…
It was an early morning I was in the shower and felt overcome with this sense of angst… that feeling you get when you feel like something terrible just happened and your heart drops for no apparent reason… I immediately whispered a prayer… “God, I pray that you please help Grandma go home… please give here peace and please don’t let her suffer anymore… please be there with her… please help her go home…”
I wasn’t sure if I was praying that she be healed enough to go back to her residence… this is what I was feeling on a rational level… but I was yet to find out the truth of why I uttered such a prayer of urgency for her to be accompanied home…
I finished getting ready for work and began the commute… playing on current rotation in my car cd changer was a compilation cd of great Christian music… this song, "Every Season" came on… I thought of Grandma again… I began to cry for no apparent reason… I felt moved by the words and how the singer/songwriter executed it so beautifully and meaningful… I thought of how wonderful the lyrics were… I thought of our childhood family reunions in the summertime… I thought of how we celebrated her 85th birthday that past fall, I thought of how cold it was now in wintertime… I thought of how much I was looking forward to the springtime to take this heavy winter blanket off from our shoulders… I thought of how sad it was to see my grandmother confined to sitting in her cold hospital room… and the reality of dialysis woes…
I arrived to work… all seemed normal… and then my sister called me with the news… My grandmother passed away that early winter morning… her body gave out… she was trying to walk… but her body just quit working… she was laid to rest… sent home…
I thought of my grandmother’s hands again as I opened one of her many tattered, torn, well worn, used and loved Bibles to read a verse at her memorial service…
Proverbs 16:24… pleasant words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones…
My grandparents were beekeepers… this verse stood out to me that morning as I tried to think of something I could say to her… to our family that would bring peace, love and a bit of hope to everyone… this verse exemplified everything I felt towards my Grandma and all that she gave me… her kind, generous, beautiful… pleasant words… honey to my soul… healing to my bones… music of my life… an instrument in recreating me…
"Every Season" Nichole Nordeman
Every evening sky, an invitation To trace the patterned stars And early in July, a celebration For freedom that is ours And I notice You In children’s games In those who watch them from the shade Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder You are summer ....
And even when the trees have just surrendered To the harvest time Forfeiting their leaves in late September And sending us inside Still I notice You when change begins And I am braced for colder winds I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come You are autumn ....
And everything in time and under heaven Finally falls asleep Wrapped in blankets white, all creation Shivers underneath And still I notice you When branches crack And in my breath on frosted glass Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter You are winter ....
And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced Teaching us to breathe What was frozen through is newly purposed Turning all things green So it is with You And how You make me new With every season’s change And so it will be As You are re-creating me Summer, autumn, winter, spring....
Every Season This Mystery By Nichole Nordeman Release date: 2000-05-23
Godspeed My Beautiful Grandma Maggie… - j. marshon
... the thing about hitting rock bottom... is that if you hit the bottom hard enough the earth shatters beneath you sending you into an even deeper level of tribulation.
... remember this always as you meet and interact with others... "everyone has a story that will break your heart... be compassionate and try to find the best quality in every person... life is short, and when it comes right down to it, our only purpose on this planet is to love one another."
