current address: grey street

nurse betty jill must vent…

alright, here I go… I really need to vent… I have to puke my life out a bit… I am going crazy… pretty stressed out right now… and my only saving grace is to put things down in words… maybe this will help crack the writer's block I've been experiencing the past couple of weeks…

… i woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible headache – a migrane-ish headache… you know, the kind worse than a hangover… at least a hangover is self induced… so I took some pills went back to sleep, woke up late for work… yeup… that is pretty much how my life has been going lately…

… grey street… that's the address you can send flowers to me at if you feel so inclined … BUT, only colorful WILDFLOWERS… I can't handle any more gray!!!

… I'm imprisoned here in my parents home way out in no-mans land… do you have any idea what it is like to move back in with your parents after being away over 15 years??? It is the second hardest thing that I have ever had to do… first, was leaving my husband which happened earlier this year… when it rains it pours…

… so people say that God puts us through the hard times to make us stronger… well not sure stronger is what is going on here… I'm actually shrinking due to the stress… lost 10 lbs alone in the last two weeks… I suppose in some twisted way that's a good thing… I need new jeans again…

… here on grey street taking care of the folks… my mom underwent major surgery last week and I volunteered to stay with mom and dad to help out around the house… help keep my mom rested… we are talking about a woman who has no idea, nor wants anything to do with the concept of "rest!" she is always moving around, doing something, building something, rummaging… she doesn't sit still… so this surgery has taken it's toll on her… this morning we had to rush her in for an emergency visit… you see... while I am at work… she thinks she can do busy work… no one's looking right??? well, thus the emergency visit… they are remitting her to the hospital and i'll be staying with her the next few days... she is sinking into a depression due to the situation… even more fun stuff… i'm very concerned about her...

… on top of mom's health concerns; there is my dad's failing health… he has blood sugar over 475... whatever that means… but from what I have learned that is TERRIBLE and yesterday the doctor was surprised that he was still ALIVE… great…

… now, I have to pull out all my healthy/gourmet cooking skills and teach him how to eat properly... turns out bologna and ice cream are not on his list of "approved foods!" … so, I am in a house without a dishwasher, minimal cooking gadgets/utensils, and the only spice around is salt and pepper – both which they go through way tooooo often…

Can you believe this!!!??? … me… nurse betty! impossible… I'm the unlikely child of four that is here for all of this… I know God does things for a reason, but man… this is really pushing the envelope! … I need so badly to move on with my own life… I've always been the independent child… the one movin & shakin; out to change the world… yet here I am, trapped here on grey street…

So… my dear friends out here in cyberville, I'd love it if you would please send up a small prayer or two for my mom's and dad's health to improve… and, please, don't get me wrong... re: my venting... i'm just frustrated and sitting here idle while my world around me appears to be on a landslide...
i am so very grateful that i have this time to spend with my mom and dad... i do love them the very most in this world... they are my constant; and they have willingly kept me, and put up with me for all of my life... i know there have been times they wished they could trade me back in!... being here for them is the least i can do in return for their love... even if... no wait... especially if, it means putting my life on the back burner for a while...

thus... a few prayers are so much appreciated for my mom and dad!!!

... and one more thing... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
...thanks janel and jenny – I know you will both appreciate that! : )

... my head is pounding...

God speed.

~ nurse betty-jill!


grey street; dmb

Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street
She thinks, "Hey,
How did I come to this?
I dream myself a thousand times around the world,
But I can't get out of this place"
There's an emptiness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it doesn't listen
There's still a hope in her it might
She says, "I pray
But they fall on deaf ears,
Am I supposed to take it on myself?
To get out of this place"
There's loneliness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart

There's an emptiness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
To grey