the life of the party
yap… that’s me… the life of the party… weather I want to be or not… it just happens… just comes naturally…
a good friend of my brother’s recently said to me following an evening out… “we’re not mad at you for mingling around and meeting other people… it’s just that we like to have you mingling among us… by us… next to us… celebrating with us… we like to have you around us…
i asked, “why… why so much have me around… i’m loud… crazy, silly and somewhat obnoxious at times… and, other times i just want to be in the background… sometimes i want to go totally unnoticed… sometimes I want to just wander off and find some interesting soul to talk with and share stories… someone to find a spark of inspiration in…”
he replied, “you can not possibly go unnoticed… that will not happen… because you are the life of the party… it isn’t the same without you around… you make us smile and laugh… you are the center of attention… the core… the element… weather you choose to be or not… you just are…”
I’m both a little appreciative and troubled by those words… because sometimes i do want to just be in the background… that isn’t how it works though does it…
i’m “that” girl/guy… you know… the one who breaks the awkward silence… the one that steps out there just a little further than everyone else… that one who risks total persecution… total belittlement… rejection… but also the one who risks and relishes in total resilience… total fun… total recognition… it’s all parity for the role…
the person who you poke fun at and giggle about behind their back… but then admire and pawn after for their wit and humor… the person that everyone doesn’t want there at the party; but secretly prays and hopes will be there…
… because i take the burden of social anxiety off everyone else… it just happens naturally…
I could choose to reject society and not partake… or risk the inevitable; both be loved and hated for being the extrovert…
… when really… what you really don’t know… is that I am often at times the complete introvert… funny how life is that way… funny how that defines and sums up who actually is…
… the life of the party…
so be it…
… i am whatever you say i am...
be as you are…
love wins!
~ j. marshon
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