Power Outage!
Light is gone… high winds have knocked the power lines out... so common for this time of year along the lake shore...
nope… tv show is not available tonight on this must see tv night. you must acquire and acclaim your own amusement and wit this evening...
I sit here in the dark now… contemplating my life and wasted days that have passed me by… reminded of my failures and under sights... are you still house-sitting? My sister txt me…
yes… at MY house… this house… that WAS once my own…
I sit in front of the amazing architecture and framing of the adoring fireplace that I alone designed… it’s intricate simple beauty… my paintings, my plants, my custom stainless kitchen just off to the left… I am surrounded in what was… what could have been... if I could have just remained a slave to it all… I think… why do I do this to myself… why do I deem it so important to hold on in comfort for myself and ex husband… for what/who is to benefit from such action???
I am enlightened, serene, sad, happy, and utterly depressed by my surroundings…
no resistance to fall further into a depressive state of loss and unattained dreams…
I continue reading Hemingway… and realize… I am not alone on this venture.
I love how Hem describes people in intricate detail… and how he can articulate the taste of foods with superb brilliance! … I wish someone could have told me… to never follow a lucrative meritage with a semi-fine zin… eww. It’s true… You do actually get what you pay for when it comes to a bottle of wine!!! … man… the meritage… was beautiful… an indulgence perhaps only the likes of Hemingway could truly appreciate!!!
I'm so misunderstood... so… misconstrued am i… if you take me at face value… you will miss my true beauty and profundity! I am quite never what most people expect… my shell is ultra hard coated… my love pure but my being quite volatile.
I often feel so misplaced in this world among everyone else...
I’m overcome… I want to cry… but do not allow myself to fall victim to it… my dreams have been nothing but contrary… filled with ‘I told you so’s.” and “you should have’s.” makes me feel a bit like puking right about now!!! Life isn’t that transparent to me… as it is with so many…
Then… there's the kid thing… "You don’t have any… you don’t understand…”
… then, why can I write lullabies’ more beautiful than any other with child??? That’s a good question?
Lights back on now…
I can see clearly again…
I am so lost…
~ j. marshon
No comments:
Post a Comment