jan 9 - expires on
driving to work this morning… I passed the cow farms and such as usual on my way to the big city of GR… there was that cow farm… all of the cows were laying down except one... the very prevailing one standing closest to the road… he stood there... looking out of the corner of his eye as i passed by… 328 was manifested across his body…
… all i could think was… yes, dear one… your time is up… branded, standing, waiting for the final call… it was somber…
everything has an expiration date… the pasta i cooked up last night… expiration date jan 7… the sauce; jan 21… the pesto; jan 19… the guinness; march 2009… all had it… an expiration date…
we will expire too someday… death is inevitable…
… do we stand there and wait like the sad cow… awaiting that final walk of fate…
i think not…
… run to the back 40! i wanted to scream out; force the cow to run away… i wanted to scream at him; tell him to sleep and rest… right next your kindred… or lie beside your beloved… enjoy the warmth and comfort of their being… with you… savor each and every moment… that sweet love while you still can...
… over the holidays… i awoke one evening to streams of sweat on my forehead… i was being totally toasted… cooked and sandwiched between two very hot-blooded beings… my siamese cat fou and my beloved little minpin chico… both have hardly any hair on their little bodies… but they are so warm!!! … they climb up, into, and underneath the covers each night... they snuggle in as close to me as they possibly can... plastered right against my body… one on the left and one on the right… my arms rounding the soft backs of their little furry bodies… so sweet… but so WARM!!! I can't complain… really... the warmth of their bodies... that love and comfort they bestow is so beautiful!
check the date... and make sure you have the recipe down before things begin to expire…
… since I am allergic; i'll skip the beef…
… bring water to a boil and prep contents…
combine and relish the goods…
... enjoy and savor!
OH MAMMA MIA!
- j. marshon
jan 8 - soldier's quite mind
a poem of sacrifice that soldiers must endure... my heart goes out to our soldiers; their work to keep us here safe and free... freedom does come at a cost... our soldiers know this; and lay down their lives for it. Godspeed USA soldiers!
just a civilian poem...
sadness fills my heart as you are half a world away…
so grateful for your sacrifice…
… so sad upon your return…
how i wish i could take war away from you…
blind your eyes and mind from the pain, gore, and cruelty exposed…
allow these things to disappear from your deportment forever…
how do you move forward with such embedded horror branded; imprinted on your ever-being…
how do you return to simply take your place among the bang and clatter…
the monotonous march of the civilian…
certainly, it must be one of the most difficult things you've done…
one of the most difficult things you'll continue to do…
… a forbearing lifelong consequence…
let me try… allow me to take a portion… any amount… away from you…
let me carry some of your burden…
… you endured for me…
let me cradle your beautiful face in my hands
… let me look at you… into your eyes… dive into the depths of your soul
carry you home…
an open vessel awaits… return through me…
i give you my heart to absorb your wounds…
… be still somnolent soldier…
- j. marshon
jan 7 - glimpse of an angel
i was clearing and cleaning off the gravesite of my favorite pet Spirit… unseasonably warm weather yesterday enlisted me to spend time outside in the beautiful fresh warmer air…
i continued brushing leaves from the rocks that mark and encircle his little body that lay peacefully in the earth below… little brilliantly colored green leaves hid under the brushed and gentle cover of leaves… beautiful little green leaves peeking up from the earth as if to say hello for the first time…
a heart ornament hangs on a low hanging pine tree branch just above his grave… placed there by me last year… heart pendants and special message stones laid to rest alongside the gravesite - little reminders gathered here and there reminding me of the sweet unconditional love once known and cherished… a joy and sense of peace…
completely present in the moment… each sense filled... the fresh earth scents... the feel of the soft leaves as i brushed them aside... the smooth surface they left on the rock tops… i'd captured a brief moment of complete stillness and a gentle quiet…
… then out of the corner of my eye; what i thought was tim rounding the corner of the pine tree behind me… i turned around to catch a serene glimpse of brilliant white quintessence fading from view…
… and again…
i have no evidence… i have no reason
… i just believe…
life carries on... love wins…
- j. marshon
jan 6 - the dog peacefully stares out the window
the dog is barking… the birds are going crazy in the cage and chirping at the top of their little lungs… the cats are hiding underneath the bed... the boy is demanding me to get things moved… it is chaotic… I just want to sit here in the still of the morning in front of the fireplace… with my bold brew of wonderful coffee in my hands… I just want to sit still here... just for a moment more... for just a little while longer... read a little thoreau… write a little… reflect on a moment... these days... these trials and blessings that supersede me… I just want to be still and find a little inspiration in the moment… but chaos is all that is around me… all that is here to find...
the dog… he only wants to play with the birds… the birds they only want to play back with the dog… they are all happy… the boy stirs up the dog… makes him crazy… yells at him to shut up… more chaos…
move things… sort through this stuff accumulated over the course of 17 years… divide and conquer… move on… try not to look back… find peace someplace… it is just stuff after all... right... stuff... chaos…
just another reminder…
… not wanted here…
… there is no peace here…
… no place for me here…
… the dog peacefully stares out the window…
- j. marshon
jan 5 - 82 years looking back
If I had my life to live over…
I'd try to make more mistakes next time.
I would relax.
I would limber up.
I would be crazier than I've been on this trip.
I know very few things I'd take seriously anymore.
I'd certainly be less hygienic.
I would take more chances.
I would take more trips.
I would scale more mountains.
I would swim more rivers… and…
I would watch more sunsets.
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans.
I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.
you see…
I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely… hour after hour… day after day.
I've had my moments… and if I had to do all over again… I'd have many more of them… in fact… I'd try not to have anything else… just moments… one after another… instead of living so many years ahead of my day.
I've been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer… a hot water bottle… a gargle… a raincoat… or a parachute.
If I had it to do all over again…
I'd travel lighter… much lighter than I have.
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring… and I'd stay that way later in the fall.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds and catch more gold rings.
I would greet more people… pick more flowers… dance more often.
If I had it to doo all over again… but you see…
I don't.
- author unknown
jan 4 - with you am i
a lifetime is ultimately made up of many intricate moments... moment after moment we are formed, shaped, filled, changed, inspired, and loved...
yesterday is gone...
there is no way to bring it back.
mistakes and wrong words said.
what I wouldn't give to start again.
what makes me feel the way I do?
why do you fill this void that my heart has been entrapped?
Lord only knows why it's you?
that fills my thoughts... divides my joy... creates my tears...
each moment I'm caught in a dream with you... it's your beautiful voice, the acquiescent way you held me, your laughter, acceptance, the gentle sigh of your breath; the scent of your skin… so close to me.
i remember… you with me.
no words... no sound... as if no one else were around.
just you and me… in the moment.
close…
tender…
safe…
caring…
sweet…
but only a whisper of this love… this aspiration… is all you left behind…
i would have stayed like that forever if you'd only surrendered... wakened... taken... me...
now alone, I keep hoping you'll appear somehow… like the boats that sail up close… coming into shore…
can't they hear me? … rescue, save… me? … please…
but they only fade away, back into the distance from which they emerged…
a simple moment… you experienced too… a moment… a sense; and a peace one seldom experiences in a lifetime…
you gave me this one-of-a-kind love… made me feel alive... for only a moment… gave me a hope for something else… a calling… something to find...
do you ever look back for me? at me?
could I find you when I'm lost?
alone?
afraid?
i do want you… and this love… soft, sweet, sacred love… will such a love ever be attained?
what holds you back?
why can't you let go… allow your heart to experience life…
won't you try? … can you see... embrace… this love
you know... you belong with me…
and all I think is you…
you… when I sleep… wrapped in my thoughts… sharing my dreams…
you comfort me alone...
it is your whisper that rescues my soul...
are you there?
in the middle of the day…
and every night...
with you am I?
- j. marshon
jan 3 - mess with the bull; you'll get the horns
I grab the bull by the horns… that is how I choose to live life… bareback; throwing caution to the wind; no reins… many see this as restless, careless and irresponsible…
… life takes all kinds of people to spin around us right? … so, there is a place in the sun for people like me too…
I am not and never will be one who turns around only to stand there frozen like a deer in the headlights – paralyzed from fear in the middle of the street as the running of the bulls progress toward me! I don't let things just happen to me…
I lunge towards; reach out for it… I grab and fight for it… it is me against the bull and I will fight til the death!
One of my favorite writers and stories is "the sun also rises" by hemmingway… just love hemmingway and how he writes so smooth… such ease… just brilliant… I relate to him as an artist… understand the depth and description of his characters… and often I see myself in some of them…
this particular book focuses on the running of the bulls… it is wonderfully written… the young bullfighter is a shinning example of one who challenges the bull face-forward without hesitation… beautiful the art of bull fighting…
life is beautiful... challenges come and go… it is essential to grow with them and move on… the only way to experience beauty...
I will not sit idol in the center ring and allow my surroundings to capture me…
I will always dance around in the ring facing my opponents; friends and foes alike…
I will always run with the bulls…
I will always fight til the death…
… I do admire the bull… the challenges the bull brings can only make us wiser and stronger no matter the battle scars received via the fight…
… after all... it is the lazy cow that receives the blunt of the blow… the real kill…
so… I will mess with the bull to get the horns…
- j. marshon
jan 2 - where thou muse be found
who will be my muse?
muses in Greek mythology were respectively responsible for; music, epic poetry, history, lyric poetry, tragedy, sacred poetry, dancing, comedy and astronomy...
thus the tragic artist syndrome...
the depression… that accompanies the lonesomeness… those dark and blank moments… when you sit in that corner baffled by all that is around you… wondering why you have been left out on your own with nothing… the low after the high...
you have so many thoughts… that isn't necessarily the problem...
... it's that you are... unable... incapable... of pinpointing or articulating a single solitary one…
so you seek substance…
… for when you are not a muse for someone else (providing the beauty of music, art, fantasia for someone else)… you spend your every waking moments searching for one who can enlighten you... be your muse… provide you with just enough light in the darkness to cast shadows in the back corner…
the process begins again...
are you a muse?
who will be mine?
i'm told,
"you are not wanted here..."
the muse silences…
the music stills…
- j. marshon
jan 1 - betterment
"Es ist alles wahr wodurch du besser wirst." - henry fothergill chorley's memorials of mrs. hermans.
german: everything through which you are bettered is true.
... so is everything through which you are beatten down by (torn, befriended, hurt, corrupted) false? or does the experience leave room for error... room for correction... room for forgiveness... that can all work to make truth...
where do i go from here...
without forgiveness...
myself as i was...
i now am to myself; quite lost...
constantly searching for that something that will make me better...
- j. marshon
driving to work this morning… I passed the cow farms and such as usual on my way to the big city of GR… there was that cow farm… all of the cows were laying down except one... the very prevailing one standing closest to the road… he stood there... looking out of the corner of his eye as i passed by… 328 was manifested across his body…
… all i could think was… yes, dear one… your time is up… branded, standing, waiting for the final call… it was somber…
everything has an expiration date… the pasta i cooked up last night… expiration date jan 7… the sauce; jan 21… the pesto; jan 19… the guinness; march 2009… all had it… an expiration date…
we will expire too someday… death is inevitable…
… do we stand there and wait like the sad cow… awaiting that final walk of fate…
i think not…
… run to the back 40! i wanted to scream out; force the cow to run away… i wanted to scream at him; tell him to sleep and rest… right next your kindred… or lie beside your beloved… enjoy the warmth and comfort of their being… with you… savor each and every moment… that sweet love while you still can...
… over the holidays… i awoke one evening to streams of sweat on my forehead… i was being totally toasted… cooked and sandwiched between two very hot-blooded beings… my siamese cat fou and my beloved little minpin chico… both have hardly any hair on their little bodies… but they are so warm!!! … they climb up, into, and underneath the covers each night... they snuggle in as close to me as they possibly can... plastered right against my body… one on the left and one on the right… my arms rounding the soft backs of their little furry bodies… so sweet… but so WARM!!! I can't complain… really... the warmth of their bodies... that love and comfort they bestow is so beautiful!
check the date... and make sure you have the recipe down before things begin to expire…
… since I am allergic; i'll skip the beef…
… bring water to a boil and prep contents…
combine and relish the goods…
... enjoy and savor!
OH MAMMA MIA!
- j. marshon
jan 8 - soldier's quite mind
a poem of sacrifice that soldiers must endure... my heart goes out to our soldiers; their work to keep us here safe and free... freedom does come at a cost... our soldiers know this; and lay down their lives for it. Godspeed USA soldiers!
just a civilian poem...
sadness fills my heart as you are half a world away…
so grateful for your sacrifice…
… so sad upon your return…
how i wish i could take war away from you…
blind your eyes and mind from the pain, gore, and cruelty exposed…
allow these things to disappear from your deportment forever…
how do you move forward with such embedded horror branded; imprinted on your ever-being…
how do you return to simply take your place among the bang and clatter…
the monotonous march of the civilian…
certainly, it must be one of the most difficult things you've done…
one of the most difficult things you'll continue to do…
… a forbearing lifelong consequence…
let me try… allow me to take a portion… any amount… away from you…
let me carry some of your burden…
… you endured for me…
let me cradle your beautiful face in my hands
… let me look at you… into your eyes… dive into the depths of your soul
carry you home…
an open vessel awaits… return through me…
i give you my heart to absorb your wounds…
… be still somnolent soldier…
- j. marshon
jan 7 - glimpse of an angel
i was clearing and cleaning off the gravesite of my favorite pet Spirit… unseasonably warm weather yesterday enlisted me to spend time outside in the beautiful fresh warmer air…
i continued brushing leaves from the rocks that mark and encircle his little body that lay peacefully in the earth below… little brilliantly colored green leaves hid under the brushed and gentle cover of leaves… beautiful little green leaves peeking up from the earth as if to say hello for the first time…
a heart ornament hangs on a low hanging pine tree branch just above his grave… placed there by me last year… heart pendants and special message stones laid to rest alongside the gravesite - little reminders gathered here and there reminding me of the sweet unconditional love once known and cherished… a joy and sense of peace…
completely present in the moment… each sense filled... the fresh earth scents... the feel of the soft leaves as i brushed them aside... the smooth surface they left on the rock tops… i'd captured a brief moment of complete stillness and a gentle quiet…
… then out of the corner of my eye; what i thought was tim rounding the corner of the pine tree behind me… i turned around to catch a serene glimpse of brilliant white quintessence fading from view…
… and again…
i have no evidence… i have no reason
… i just believe…
life carries on... love wins…
- j. marshon
jan 6 - the dog peacefully stares out the window
the dog is barking… the birds are going crazy in the cage and chirping at the top of their little lungs… the cats are hiding underneath the bed... the boy is demanding me to get things moved… it is chaotic… I just want to sit here in the still of the morning in front of the fireplace… with my bold brew of wonderful coffee in my hands… I just want to sit still here... just for a moment more... for just a little while longer... read a little thoreau… write a little… reflect on a moment... these days... these trials and blessings that supersede me… I just want to be still and find a little inspiration in the moment… but chaos is all that is around me… all that is here to find...
the dog… he only wants to play with the birds… the birds they only want to play back with the dog… they are all happy… the boy stirs up the dog… makes him crazy… yells at him to shut up… more chaos…
move things… sort through this stuff accumulated over the course of 17 years… divide and conquer… move on… try not to look back… find peace someplace… it is just stuff after all... right... stuff... chaos…
just another reminder…
… not wanted here…
… there is no peace here…
… no place for me here…
… the dog peacefully stares out the window…
- j. marshon
jan 5 - 82 years looking back
If I had my life to live over…
I'd try to make more mistakes next time.
I would relax.
I would limber up.
I would be crazier than I've been on this trip.
I know very few things I'd take seriously anymore.
I'd certainly be less hygienic.
I would take more chances.
I would take more trips.
I would scale more mountains.
I would swim more rivers… and…
I would watch more sunsets.
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans.
I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.
you see…
I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely… hour after hour… day after day.
I've had my moments… and if I had to do all over again… I'd have many more of them… in fact… I'd try not to have anything else… just moments… one after another… instead of living so many years ahead of my day.
I've been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer… a hot water bottle… a gargle… a raincoat… or a parachute.
If I had it to do all over again…
I'd travel lighter… much lighter than I have.
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring… and I'd stay that way later in the fall.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds and catch more gold rings.
I would greet more people… pick more flowers… dance more often.
If I had it to doo all over again… but you see…
I don't.
- author unknown
jan 4 - with you am i
a lifetime is ultimately made up of many intricate moments... moment after moment we are formed, shaped, filled, changed, inspired, and loved...
yesterday is gone...
there is no way to bring it back.
mistakes and wrong words said.
what I wouldn't give to start again.
what makes me feel the way I do?
why do you fill this void that my heart has been entrapped?
Lord only knows why it's you?
that fills my thoughts... divides my joy... creates my tears...
each moment I'm caught in a dream with you... it's your beautiful voice, the acquiescent way you held me, your laughter, acceptance, the gentle sigh of your breath; the scent of your skin… so close to me.
i remember… you with me.
no words... no sound... as if no one else were around.
just you and me… in the moment.
close…
tender…
safe…
caring…
sweet…
but only a whisper of this love… this aspiration… is all you left behind…
i would have stayed like that forever if you'd only surrendered... wakened... taken... me...
now alone, I keep hoping you'll appear somehow… like the boats that sail up close… coming into shore…
can't they hear me? … rescue, save… me? … please…
but they only fade away, back into the distance from which they emerged…
a simple moment… you experienced too… a moment… a sense; and a peace one seldom experiences in a lifetime…
you gave me this one-of-a-kind love… made me feel alive... for only a moment… gave me a hope for something else… a calling… something to find...
do you ever look back for me? at me?
could I find you when I'm lost?
alone?
afraid?
i do want you… and this love… soft, sweet, sacred love… will such a love ever be attained?
what holds you back?
why can't you let go… allow your heart to experience life…
won't you try? … can you see... embrace… this love
you know... you belong with me…
and all I think is you…
you… when I sleep… wrapped in my thoughts… sharing my dreams…
you comfort me alone...
it is your whisper that rescues my soul...
are you there?
in the middle of the day…
and every night...
with you am I?
- j. marshon
jan 3 - mess with the bull; you'll get the horns
I grab the bull by the horns… that is how I choose to live life… bareback; throwing caution to the wind; no reins… many see this as restless, careless and irresponsible…
… life takes all kinds of people to spin around us right? … so, there is a place in the sun for people like me too…
I am not and never will be one who turns around only to stand there frozen like a deer in the headlights – paralyzed from fear in the middle of the street as the running of the bulls progress toward me! I don't let things just happen to me…
I lunge towards; reach out for it… I grab and fight for it… it is me against the bull and I will fight til the death!
One of my favorite writers and stories is "the sun also rises" by hemmingway… just love hemmingway and how he writes so smooth… such ease… just brilliant… I relate to him as an artist… understand the depth and description of his characters… and often I see myself in some of them…
this particular book focuses on the running of the bulls… it is wonderfully written… the young bullfighter is a shinning example of one who challenges the bull face-forward without hesitation… beautiful the art of bull fighting…
life is beautiful... challenges come and go… it is essential to grow with them and move on… the only way to experience beauty...
I will not sit idol in the center ring and allow my surroundings to capture me…
I will always dance around in the ring facing my opponents; friends and foes alike…
I will always run with the bulls…
I will always fight til the death…
… I do admire the bull… the challenges the bull brings can only make us wiser and stronger no matter the battle scars received via the fight…
… after all... it is the lazy cow that receives the blunt of the blow… the real kill…
so… I will mess with the bull to get the horns…
- j. marshon
jan 2 - where thou muse be found
who will be my muse?
muses in Greek mythology were respectively responsible for; music, epic poetry, history, lyric poetry, tragedy, sacred poetry, dancing, comedy and astronomy...
thus the tragic artist syndrome...
the depression… that accompanies the lonesomeness… those dark and blank moments… when you sit in that corner baffled by all that is around you… wondering why you have been left out on your own with nothing… the low after the high...
you have so many thoughts… that isn't necessarily the problem...
... it's that you are... unable... incapable... of pinpointing or articulating a single solitary one…
so you seek substance…
… for when you are not a muse for someone else (providing the beauty of music, art, fantasia for someone else)… you spend your every waking moments searching for one who can enlighten you... be your muse… provide you with just enough light in the darkness to cast shadows in the back corner…
the process begins again...
are you a muse?
who will be mine?
i'm told,
"you are not wanted here..."
the muse silences…
the music stills…
- j. marshon
jan 1 - betterment
"Es ist alles wahr wodurch du besser wirst." - henry fothergill chorley's memorials of mrs. hermans.
german: everything through which you are bettered is true.
... so is everything through which you are beatten down by (torn, befriended, hurt, corrupted) false? or does the experience leave room for error... room for correction... room for forgiveness... that can all work to make truth...
where do i go from here...
without forgiveness...
myself as i was...
i now am to myself; quite lost...
constantly searching for that something that will make me better...
- j. marshon
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