Thanksgiving…
I think of my life… this year has been a year of desperately searching for thanks… and finding thanks in the smallest and unexpected places and people… funny how life is in that way… I am thankful for the people that introduce and bring much laughter and depth to my life… mostly, unexpanded people who have done this… and for that I am extremely grateful… I am grateful for the strong and unconditional love of family... my true best friends who hang in there with me and encourage me to keep going… my sister and jenny for what blesses my soul (music and unconditional friendship)… and those people who have served as a reminder of how important family truly is… you know who you are…
… living in a different place, in a small space not of my own… in the absence of all of my accumulated things collected over the years… and things like my grandmothers paintings that I often sought solitude in… they are all not here where my current dwelling resides… so I’ve lived without a lot of amenities, memories, and things that I cherished so much throughout my life thus far…
Things I am grateful to have had in my life... things that I didn’t necessarily take for granted... just things that made me deeply moved and grounded... things I don’t have anymore and miss terribly... for these beautiful things I give thanks... even in a time of loss and surrender... as they become a faded memory...
But, more so than things...
I miss mostly the essence of sounds, sights, smells, and touch... things that truly impacted my soul...
I miss the sound...
Of November gales… how the wind used to come off lake Michigan in the loudest roars… a sound of awe and strength… like a deep cry of loss… so far away… so hard… so sad…
Barges off the shore... the blow of the foghorn on a still morning… so hallowing and stirring…
The coast guard helicopters as they pass by enroot to their saving assignment or next station…
Or the sweet swoosh of a fighter jet stream across the sky just off the lake shore on a practice round…
The faint sound of the neighbor dogs from the kennel along the way…
The doves and birds in the wintertime enjoying the bird food I placed outside for them…
The neighbor’s wind chimes in the fall breeze…
The howl of Lake Michigan at night from a nor eastern gale…
The trains making their way supplying coal to consumer’s energy… with the mere knowledge and task of keeping people warm and safe in their homes…
I miss the sight…
Of the Holland and grand haven lighthouses as I stroll along the coastline…
The beautiful blue jays stealing the squirrels’ peanuts…
The black squirrels scrimmaging and hiding the nuts in preparation for winter…
The cardinals that litter the freshly snow covered trees surrounding the house…
The stillness of Lake Michigan after a hard snowfall with the dead silent calm that follows…
The stillness and comfort of snow covered sand dunes…
The sound of the neighbors laughter following a holiday celebration… as they bid farewell to their guests…
I miss the smell…
Of Lake Michigan on a beautiful summer morning…
The pine trees lining the drive…
The candles I would purchase and strategically place throughout the house to celebrate special year festivities in special remembrance…
Fresh cooked dinners and deserts prepared for a special holiday dinner in the double ovens… always made me feel so Martha Stewart… so safe and happy…
BBQing all year round… the linger of the marinate in the refrigerator…
The scent of kitties fur after I burrow my nose in their soft neck fur and breath them in…
I miss the feel…
Of Lake Michigan’s water on my skin while jumping in first thing in the morning for a quick refreshing rinse after running… or late at night in the darkness of moonlight…
The kitties love rubs around my feet and legs in the morning while making breakfast and coffee…
The love rubs on my face from the kitties as I wake up on the weekend sleeping in each morning
The perfect bubble bath… loaded with scented bubbles ad the jets streaming alongside my skin…
The high thread count soft, silky sheets after a fresh wash and bleaching… so comfy!
My fury blankets curled up on the couch by the fireplace…
The feel of the fireplace on my skin as I napped with the kitties for hours on a weekend afternoon…
The feel of solitude and silence in ;my back room den…
The pure and unconditional love of Spirit surrounding me in that round house… constant motion…
My senses are lacking the loss of the love I had in the house I used to call home… searching for a new home now… I am thankful that I have the strength to go on and relish in the moments and memories and move forward to experience all things new…
Amen.
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